Archive for the ‘Nerdisms’ Category

The Anemone Postulate

As I stared into the deep blue aquarium, I got lost.  So, hold on a second,  as I reminisce…

My child-like nature kicked in. And I followed the fish around. Not noticing anyone around me, I…

“Sir! Please, stop touching the glass?!”

Who’s the cute little fishy, fish.  Who’s the cute little clown fish.  Yes, you are.  Yes you are…

“Sir! If I have to ask you again…”

I’m finding the walk to be pleasant.  I haven’t put that much effort to get to the other side of the building in a long time.  This walk, I was hoping would be, the last time.  For a long time.

I couldn’t do it again.

The nights were long, tiring, and heartbreaking.   Hearing all the beeps.  It started out as a musical presence, but overtime it turned into a constant reminder of the situation, causing lots of tossing and turning of sleeplessness.

And somewhere during all that time, I had a conversation with Abraham Lincoln, a beaver who couldn’t stop cheating if his life depended on it, and some guy in a space suit.  But, that’s another story.

It's only painful if you... Ouch! Now you tell me!

It's only painful if you...

And just like the military someone came and woke you up at 5am.  To go stand out in the hallway until they were done.  Half tired, hair, I’m sure,  looking like Jack Nicholson on his worse days.  Then, they leave and I would then go lay back down, and doze off for an hour or so.

Waking up to a jolt. Looking at the time, grabbing everything, and in a brief moment kiss my adorable daughter.  Looking at her for a second, and thinking how wonderful she is, I then moved quickly.  Then out of nowhere, there was that aquarium again, so I had to…

“Sir, again, if you don’t stop tapping that glass…!”

Oops, got to go, she appears to be picking up a phone, and pointing at me.

Out into a much more brisk late September morning.   But, before all this happened, and at the last minute before I left, she yells out,

“Dad!”

She puts her hand to her mouth and blew me a kiss, and told me she loved me. I capture it, put it to my cheek, and blew one back.

And, I’m back on that walk.  Down long corridors. People moving briskly as they come in for work.  But I don’t notice them.  I walk out the doors, and feel the cold rush of air on my face.

Peew! That’s some quality air.

Odd, it doesn’t feel as cold as I thought it would, and is that a sun I see?

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Insomniacs Parental Guide to Music That Doesn’t Suck

I feel for a moment, that I should start by saying something, like, “Welcome to Insomniacs Parental Guide to Music that doesn’t suck so much.”

And, just for you, the tired, exhausted listener who just put their kids to bed –  Mind you, it is 10PM and it’s a school night – But, you just fought each one, trying to get them to finish dinner.  Then fought there way through a bath, listening to them bawling, that there is “No Soap”, even though it’s sitting right there.

You know… right there… No, right there.  To your left. Your other left.

Then found out, that if they passively ignore you, and pretend you don’t exist, that you will go away…  Umm, yeah, right. You can see through that like it’s Wisconsin Swiss cheese. (Mmm, cheese). So they finish up there pool excursion, and you tell all the kids to get out of the pool and get their PJ’s on.

But,  for a second, you think, “Just 15 minutes.  That will be cool, I could use a 15 minute nap.”

Too which you woke up jolted, bleary eyed seeing that it’s 9PM. And… It’s quiet.

Which makes you panic, to the point of near insanity.  You jump up, run out, and there they are.  All awake, quietly fighting.

What? Quietly fighting?

Arguing which is better, the Suite life of Disney or iNick.  Both being low doses of  crack, I tell ya.  You now fight to get them all into there beds, but unbeknown to you, they were hungry and grabbed the bag of cereal.

And, of course one of them, can’t stand dry cereal so she makes a bowl… which somehow made it’s way into the couch…. What! Nobody did it? Anybody care to explain?

“Doesn’t matter, your all going to bed!”

Except the  youngest who just caught an episode, of, you guessed it, “Scary theater for children between 10-15”,

At Midnight, You can easily be distracted.

So, the fascinating thing about the... Oh Look A Chicken!

He is five, so everything is scaring him. Which requires you to battle the demons of the closet for 20 minutes, at 5 minute intervals.  Until you bring out this raggedy sweater, that you just beaten with a broom.  That’s right! Way to show this sweater who’s the boss, and that you mean business!  Because, dang right!  Your not taking any monster’s crap tonight!

And now that you’ve settled at your computer, to catch the latest in the ever growing world of bloggery,  you here, “STOP it, your bugging me.”

Sigh.

Off to now battle the monsters of a different sort.

“Go. To Bed!”

And, then 5 minutes later, it’s quiet again.  A good quiet, the kind where you hear the crickets, and the floor squeaks, and peace has returned from a land to far away to recall.

And you now sit down. To try again, and figure out what the blogosphere is talking about, but you forgot what you were doing.

Wait, what were we talking about again?  The head bobbing, sleep deprived, and yearning for the soft goodness of a pillow…

And now, for your reading pleasure,  here is the Insomniacs Parental Guide review to Keri Hilson’s “Knock You Down” with very special guests Kanye West and Ne-Yo.

All I can say is, thank you Kanye, for that excellent performance.  Because, we all hate having “hate” served on a platter.  It won’t be dessert, but probably a disaster.

Commander and Chief of my Pimps, flying high? Wonder how much that pays?

Okay, what?  She shot the bullet? The pimp in me just died tonight?

Yes, Ne-Yo, it did take a little of my life, from me tonight,  I won’t get these moments back.  Maybe with my luck, I will be so tired, that I will forget this even happened.

Maybe, if I get knocked down, then I will get  back up, which knocked me down. Because Love comes around, which knocks me down, I could buy the Clapper.  Well Keri, that’s a love, that keeps on rockin’!

Sigh.

This review of Keri Hilson “Knocks You Down,” was brought to you by the letter L. For the rockin’ roller coaster of Love.

The Party Duality

How often do you hold your wife’s hand? Not just hold it, but express your love for her through it?

One of the most fascinating moments in a married life, is to hold your spouses hand at a public event. And not, “hold on as I rush to get to the front of the line,” but a moment when the noise is high, you can’t hear any real conversation and you are unable to communicate with her with your voice.

Take the moment at a party to hold her hand

I'm sure there is a butterfly in this picture. You just can't see it.

Then communicate with your hands.

To touch her hand and squeeze,  watching as her smile grows, and her eyes light up, and she tells you she loves you back, has to be one of the most awesomeness of moments, of all time.

How often do you look into her eyes? Not just to ask for forgiveness, but to tell her you love her?

One of the most powerful moments in married life, is to gently hold the face of this wonderful women.  Looking into her eyes, and letting her know how much you love her.

Parties and social events have the amazing potential to create these moments in our lives, to remind each other in a moment, when no other communication is available, that we can tell each other even though there is all these other people, that you, are the most important.

The Menu Corollary

So there you are, sitting with your man, at dinner.

Or was it were you were standing in line with him at theater?

Maybe it happened when walking on the boardwalk with him, on a hot summer day.

Step away from the menu, their is nothing to see here.

Step away from the menu, there is nothing to see here.

And, for one brief moment, you see it, something that you expected guys to do, but may have never witnessed in person.  You wished it didn’t exist. But there it was, almost as if it was a slap to the face.  You lie to yourself, saying,

“Self? He didn’t do that, I must of stubbed my toe and the pain made it so I was hallucinating.”

That’s it, you were hallucinating, because guys wouldn’t ever fall to the lowly idea that they wouldn’t have respect in you.

“Well, maybe he just wrenched his neck?”

Even better, blame it on his inability to walk upright, and not coincidentally injure his neck at the same time.

You have just witnessed one of the worst offences of all the objectionable acts that guys do in the company of their “sweetheart,” the one you loved so deeply.

So here it happened, a shocking level of disrespect that brought down, this happy level of love, that this women had for you, and you became, just a “typical man.”

And, when it finally registers, she realizes… He looked at the menu.

Is it so difficult, and really that hard to always be in the moment.  Telling your wife or girlfriend, that you have no self-control? That this beautiful women, that you are trying to love, or learning to love, now feels that they may have to accept this flaw, if you can beg your way out of it.

Self esteem is a constant threat to marriage.  It is one of those things that us guys need to realize.  We need to comfort, embrace, and build up this person that we love, so that trust can be given freely.  Even being aware of another women, is the gateway.  A women will pick up on this so quickly.  They may lie to themselves about what they saw, but they really know deep down inside.  And later, these lies that you have built up in her, will come back in full swing.

The corollary to this problem, is that as a guy, you will never receive the fullness of love and trust, that a women is so willing to give to a man.  You will live a life of solitude, even in the presence of others and maybe even in this women, and you will miss out on the greatest joy that you could ever receive.  Her desire to cherish, adore and be in a love with a man, that truly loves her.

So in your efforts to love your wife, step away from the menu. There is nothing for you there.