The Good Guy Paradox

I’m baffled.

I really am.

I didn’t realize this until recently, but I’m learning that good guys are hard to come by.  I see guys are good, by men’s standards, but that we don’t reach a standard that women want. And, even if you do meet that standard, they are confused, baffled, and frustrated by it, while continually asking, “What the heck? Guys don’t act like that!”

And here is my dilemma.  This creates a problem for the ones that want to be everything they can be.

Never be to far away from the one you love.

Never be too far away from the one you love.

As guys, we have to ask, what do we want from a relationship. To be adored? Cherished? Loved?  These are grand things, that we would never receive if we don’t grasp the idea, that we can only have, what we are willing to do, for the other person.

And, in general, we don’t.

We don’t do those things that reminds girls and women, that guys can have a very equal placement in the relationship.  For those couples where the guy works, brings home money, stashes it away (Maybe pays the mortgage), then forces the spouse to work (As she has to do her part), to pay for food, day care, and all the other elements of their children’s lives, making it seem like this is normal. Is just plain wrong, and stupid.

To then get dumped, by this generous man, because he wasn’t restricting his own desires to the bonds of marriage or because he restricts his love and compassion to only the next game.    Thanks for making it easier for us, ya bum. No, really, thank you.

But it isn’t easier! Now the good guy, who is looking for that one, can find the women of his dreams to only hear, “Why do you like me?”,  in return for his efforts in compassion, adoration and desires to make them happy.

Because, they haven’t received it before, and they don’t understand why they receive it now.

Why does this happen? Because the “bum” twisted the view of this wonderful person, forcing you to do a lot of work.  The problem with this “lot of work” isn’t the fact that we aren’t willing to do it, but that we need to hear feedback that it is working.  To know that we will receive, in return, this love, adoration and become cherished beyond all others.

In the end, guys need to pursue becoming this gem.  To love so compassionately that we get buy in, and become all that marriages are dreamed of.  Because in the end, it’s not the big screen TV, or the game that we will miss the most, it will be the relationships that we bind through marriage and family, that will be what we cherish.

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3 comments so far

  1. Sajib on

    In the picture caption, you said, never be too far away from the one you love.

    Well, the fact is even more crucial. I love someone who lives in the other side of the world. And it may take as long as 8 years for us to get together after we get married.

    Please read our blog and post your comments.

  2. Travis on

    @Sajib – dang that’s tough. Long distance relationships have one thing going for them. You will find out very quickly what they want to talk about. The more open up they become over IM, text messaging and phone, the stronger your relationship. It will be based on something more than physical and you can learn a great deal about them.

  3. Sajib on

    Thanks. Sometimes I feel worried whether the distance may weaken our relationship.


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