Apples, Newton’s Laws and divorce

It took Sir Isaac Newton two decades to fully formulate the theory of gravitation. But, it started with a single action.  This action was a drop of an apple that he witnessed.  He pondered over this and wondered how far the gravitation would apply.  Would the moon be affected, and retain it’s orbit by this same gravitation?  Over the next two decades he constructed the theory of gravity and created Newton’s first law based on these thoughts.

The Fruit's of our labors

What?! Someone took a bite?

The theory wasn’t about whether it existed but whether it reached out to the moon, and was the force that held it’s orbit.

So I pondered this in relationship to divorce.

What is it that keeps marriages in orbit?  What is the central force that allows the fruit, that is joy, be created from the tree that gives it so freely.

Love, service and a passion for the marriage are the gravitational force that will keep the marriage bound together.  With the absense of one of these,  the others will maintain.

But, say, you have a situation in your life that makes it impossible to act in any one of these ways. For instance say a medical condition makes it impossible for the one to not perform reasonably for anyone of these.

It’s possible that this can happen, but not unfortunate.  The other spouse can spend the time necessary to serve and love you, while you are in this state.  How many of us feel that we want to serve each other and pick each other up in times of need.

So what happens when the gravity fails to hold your moon in place, not allowing the apple to fall?  We feel we are at a loss, that we are out of control and yearning to taste the fruits that is given to us by the gravity that was once there.

We have to re-group, re-organize and formulate a plan.

One of the failures that I recognized in myself was how little I wanted to do anything.  I had to pick myself up by my bootstraps and rebuild. I had to regain hope, work hard and start thinking about what I wanted.

When you get to the point where you feel you want to have a relationship, the first thing that you need to do is realize what mistakes you made that was part of the divorce.  This could be as simple as learning to listen, while others may realize that they need to control their desires and retain them in the bounds of marriage.

If you have been a victim of someone not holding the bounds of marriage, the first thing you have to do is realize is what you want.  You can’t say, “Well, I want to keep an hawk-like eye on the next person.”  … Uh, no.  Don’t do that. This will lead to an inherent distrust for that person, and you will never have the bond you so desire.

Things that you want, is how open is the other in communication, how much are they concerned about your well-being, your safety, your happiness.

But, remember, the other is doing this to you too.  So don’t hold back on these either.

And, nothing about what you really want should be physical.  Physical relationships are just that, physical.  You will have nothing else.  And, when you start learning about each other, you are then bound by this physical love, and you are taking a gamble on if you fit each other in any other category.

Being physically attracted to someone, is not the same as acting on it.  Physical attraction is only the spark.  Don’t turn that spark into a flaming ball of passion. Keep this spark in check, as you learn more about each other.

So talk, talk a lot. Force the other person’s behavior out, and in proper time you will know if they are really the one that fits your style and goals.

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