Archive for September, 2009|Monthly archive page

Insomniacs Parental Guide to Music That Doesn’t Suck

I feel for a moment, that I should start by saying something, like, “Welcome to Insomniacs Parental Guide to Music that doesn’t suck so much.”

And, just for you, the tired, exhausted listener who just put their kids to bed –  Mind you, it is 10PM and it’s a school night – But, you just fought each one, trying to get them to finish dinner.  Then fought there way through a bath, listening to them bawling, that there is “No Soap”, even though it’s sitting right there.

You know… right there… No, right there.  To your left. Your other left.

Then found out, that if they passively ignore you, and pretend you don’t exist, that you will go away…  Umm, yeah, right. You can see through that like it’s Wisconsin Swiss cheese. (Mmm, cheese). So they finish up there pool excursion, and you tell all the kids to get out of the pool and get their PJ’s on.

But,  for a second, you think, “Just 15 minutes.  That will be cool, I could use a 15 minute nap.”

Too which you woke up jolted, bleary eyed seeing that it’s 9PM. And… It’s quiet.

Which makes you panic, to the point of near insanity.  You jump up, run out, and there they are.  All awake, quietly fighting.

What? Quietly fighting?

Arguing which is better, the Suite life of Disney or iNick.  Both being low doses of  crack, I tell ya.  You now fight to get them all into there beds, but unbeknown to you, they were hungry and grabbed the bag of cereal.

And, of course one of them, can’t stand dry cereal so she makes a bowl… which somehow made it’s way into the couch…. What! Nobody did it? Anybody care to explain?

“Doesn’t matter, your all going to bed!”

Except the  youngest who just caught an episode, of, you guessed it, “Scary theater for children between 10-15”,

At Midnight, You can easily be distracted.

So, the fascinating thing about the... Oh Look A Chicken!

He is five, so everything is scaring him. Which requires you to battle the demons of the closet for 20 minutes, at 5 minute intervals.  Until you bring out this raggedy sweater, that you just beaten with a broom.  That’s right! Way to show this sweater who’s the boss, and that you mean business!  Because, dang right!  Your not taking any monster’s crap tonight!

And now that you’ve settled at your computer, to catch the latest in the ever growing world of bloggery,  you here, “STOP it, your bugging me.”


Off to now battle the monsters of a different sort.

“Go. To Bed!”

And, then 5 minutes later, it’s quiet again.  A good quiet, the kind where you hear the crickets, and the floor squeaks, and peace has returned from a land to far away to recall.

And you now sit down. To try again, and figure out what the blogosphere is talking about, but you forgot what you were doing.

Wait, what were we talking about again?  The head bobbing, sleep deprived, and yearning for the soft goodness of a pillow…

And now, for your reading pleasure,  here is the Insomniacs Parental Guide review to Keri Hilson’s “Knock You Down” with very special guests Kanye West and Ne-Yo.

All I can say is, thank you Kanye, for that excellent performance.  Because, we all hate having “hate” served on a platter.  It won’t be dessert, but probably a disaster.

Commander and Chief of my Pimps, flying high? Wonder how much that pays?

Okay, what?  She shot the bullet? The pimp in me just died tonight?

Yes, Ne-Yo, it did take a little of my life, from me tonight,  I won’t get these moments back.  Maybe with my luck, I will be so tired, that I will forget this even happened.

Maybe, if I get knocked down, then I will get  back up, which knocked me down. Because Love comes around, which knocks me down, I could buy the Clapper.  Well Keri, that’s a love, that keeps on rockin’!


This review of Keri Hilson “Knocks You Down,” was brought to you by the letter L. For the rockin’ roller coaster of Love.


How Could This Possibly Go Wrong?

You just received the best possible gift in the world today.  And, now that the day has ended, you feel yourself falling to sleep wondering and hoping that you get it again tomorrow.

Just this morning you were running circles around the family, getting everything ready after waking up bright and early.  Preparing for each person who has an important place in your home.

But, oddly enough, this is not what you did today.  And, today went on to remind you, that you were in love.

There is nothing special about today.  It’s not a holiday.  It’s not a birthday, and nothing has happened that would make you think that this moment, was anything that would feel like an apology.

The funny thing is that it wasn’t just a moment.  A moment can be fleeting, disregarded and forgotten.  But what you saw and were given, was something

Well, maybe this could go wrong.

Well, maybe this could go wrong.

that happened throughout the day.  You couldn’t believe that it was many moments.

You  noticed it when you woke up, with that gentle kiss.

But it didn’t end.

It continued with a note showing up on the mirror, telling you that you were looking at the most beautiful women in the world.  And the fact that the kids were fed and there he was starting on the lunches.  You join him, not to take it over but to do it with him,  as you didn’t want to miss out on this moment to do it together.

Then you get this funny text message on your cell.  It was short, sweet and too the point.

“Hi sweetie, just wanted to let you know that I was thinking of you.  Meeting sucks, but it will be all better when I see you at lunch”

He is anxious, work is getting in the way, but he works through all of it to quickly leave and meet you for lunch.  An experience felt with small moments of smiles, chuckles, wonderful conversation, sweet whisperings and that gentle touch of the hand.

But it didn’t end there, later you see this:

“Hey sweetie, work is running late,  won’t be home till 7pm.  Start dinner without me, and I will see you then.”

You prepare for a long evening, when it feels like the kids are exploding at 5pm right on the dot, and you see that you have another 2 hours.

This doesn’t look good.

Tension starts to rise. Complaints run rampant, and you within 5 minutes become tired and exhausted, and your smile is waning.

And at that last bearable moment, which was only 10 minutes, he comes walking through the door.  He took some time in the afternoon, canceled the meeting and made it home in time to rescue the situation.

But it still didn’t end.

The two of you, together, prepared dinner and got the table ready. And in one of those fleeting moments, waiting for the kids to arrive, you slow danced to a nameless song. One only the two of you knew.

This evening didn’t end.  The comfort and togetherness, and the joint effort to make each other happy, was in full force.

Of all the things that happened, it could easily have been those last two hours that would of changed the day from an excellent day, to becoming exhausted and feeling like you were on your own.  Are we willing to give up other moments that may appear important, for the more important moments?  To take a moment that would enhance and build a bond so strong, that it would never break?

When you can, tell her she is important, by changing what you can for her.  Keep your spouse the center of the universe and have work, friends and social events become second, and make her second-to-none.

Marriage is about giving of those moments that create the firm and loving bonds, that gives you the sense of love and pride, and the pure honor of loving the one person, who will love you so deeply, that you can never see the end.

And, by doing this, you have created it so the end won’t exist.

That 5k run is looking way easier

You just finished running that 5k marathon. You conquered a feat that you told everyone that you wanted to do. You stumbled a few times, but you got up and became stronger and more agile.

Yeah, I know I can’t do a 5k in my dreams, mind you.  And thinking about one right now cause’s hives.  But hear me out.


Awww! Aren't you just adorable.

So you just finished this 5k run. You spent day-after-day of practicing and preparing to run like you were running in Ancient Rome.  Not minus the clothes, because we all know that running in Ancient Rome, was a sure fire way to remind yourself that you have one too many pounds sitting in all the wrong places.

But you practiced.  Each day, you got up and stressed those important muscles.  Ran in circles for about an hour and then worked 8 hours a day. All before 8AM! Impressive!  Okay, the last part isn’t true, but you felt like it.

And then something happened… You had this new feeling… It hurt… And it hurt A LOT!
[ This is where we sympathize with your plight ]

You tried again the next day, and this time, it still HURT A LOT – Really I’m not forcing you to do this, you can stop anytime. I’m not the devil, I can’t convince you to do anything.

But! Something does happen after you notice that it hurts less.

After all the pain, the tears, and after the whining subsided and your muscles all of sudden started responding to your every whim, You, yes you! Felt like you were on top of the world.  Your happier, people are patting you on the back, your winning awards, and friends have popped up out of the woodwork.

It could be true!

And each day after that, you felt better, hurt less, and started to save homeless kitties – and that adorable puppy you named Chuck.

The best and most exciting thing about this, besides your new-found friends, is that you are happier.

You have conquered the 5k.  You know how it feels to win.  You knew what it took to get there.  And, you practiced.

Have you ever wondered how some couples make their marriage look easy? Saying to yourself,

“Self, I wish I could make my relationship work as well as theirs! What’s wrong with me? Why am I not as lucky?”

Well nothing is wrong with you,  and I will pretend that you weren’t harsh with yourself, cause, nobody likes haters.

But, just like that 5k run that you just conquered,  you needed to practice.   Your too hard on yourself and need to do what you did to win the 5k.  Wake up every morning committing to stretch those muscles, that you call your marriage.  Or, at least start drinking more water.

Cause, You know it’s good for you.

And, remember, it wasn’t until you won that marathon that you started helping the puppies, and that adorable little kitty named Mr.  Peppers, III.

And really?! How can you say no to helping kitties?  Won’t you think of the kitties?

Once a upon a time… You were a plane

When was the last time you sat in a swing?  Started to rock it back and forth, causing the wind to blow in your hair?  What’s that you say?  You did this last week? Well, then move along this isn’t for you.

To be free!

Weee! I'm a plane! I'm a plane!

The Chinese has an expression about Monkey’s swinging on vines.  But, since this expression talks about your thoughts jumping from one subject to another, and is related to sleep, I won’t be talking about it.

Even though I feel I could use some enlightenment on sleep, and why I don’t get any of it.

But what I was thinking about was the pure bliss that we get, when we sit down, kick our feet into the air and put a great deal of effort to get ourselves up into the air.  Just as you begin to realize that the wallet in your back pocket is hurting.

After resolving that minor issue, we are off and swinging again.  Pushing back and forth, letting the wind blow in your hair, and you start to make plane sounds.


Yeah, the stress is leaving, you no longer think about the project that looks to be overdue.  You stop thinking about the budgets, the car payment, nor the roof that inexplicably started to leak just a month ago.

And just as you get that rhythm, and your eyes begin to close, you hear…


You ignore it, pretending this child must have you mistaken for a parent, and not a Airline Captain.

“DAAAADDDD!!!  She won’t let me swing!!!!!”

Your brain kicks back in, you begin your descent as you attempt to land back into reality.  Sliding into the sand, maybe tripping up the wheels and landing uncomfortably.

You get your thoughts organized as you gently look upon the quarrel. And, you give up your seat to that flight.   Giving your little one the opportunity of getting to go on this ride, and allowing you to give up the captain’s seat for the opportunity to be the engine.